Sacked 3 weeks before Xmas

I have a new hero to look up to. His name is Jason Poole and whilst I abhore the war in Iraq, he is a victim of the whole atrocity. I don't want to, or, have to care about his politics, but his story is one of courage overcoming adversity. If I can track him down, I will add his link here.

Weird - am feeling the same today as I did last monday. I feel a bit like I want the day to end so I can have a beer, but feel a bit guilty because I haven't really earned it. I haven't done anything you might call work today; at least I haven't earned any money. I'm convincing myself that this is ok though as I worked on Saturday morning and, being my own boss, I don't have to work if I don't want to...

But this is 2 mondays in a row now. So I have decided to get some GIT insurance - that's Goods In Transit insurance for the laymen among us. I'll need it if I want to do any subbie multi drop work - HA HA! I'm losing you, aren't I?!

Courier companies often take on more work than they can really cope with so they sub contract (subbie) out work for drivers to do several drops (multi drops) in one day (n.b. not next day - I'd need public liability insurance for that sort of work and I can't keep forking out money - although this is quite a NLE as you can charge for o/n storage).

Listen to me?!@~

So I don't feel that bad after all. Just a bit bored. I tried a good boredom busting exercise earlier today. The aim is try on as many pairs of socks as you can, one pair over the other. My record is 16 pairs. The trick is to start with thin cotton or light wool socks and then build up to footy socks. Then try and walk, or better still, put on some slippers and go and buy some cigs from Winston over the road. Tell him there must be a storm approaching as your bunions are playing up like hell!

What does everyone else do to kill time? - tom you're excluded from this - I know what you do...you 'go to work'.

JV

Time for a little perspective. Btw - I'm knackered at the mo - just got back from standing in the pissing down rain for 45 minutes acting as linesman for my football team. I SO don't get the off side rule so had to put up with abuse not only from the opposition, but from my team as well!

Anyhow, it keeps me fit and that's important in my new role as a man with a van. But perspective - it's now yonks since I waved goodbye to my old job. I'm meeting people in my new role and they can have no idea what I used to do, nor any interest. I am to them, a man with a van. It's time to start taking it seriously.

The honeymoon period is over - the moments when in my head I'd be saying things like, 'yeah, I'm a man with a van' and then chuckling to myself when people called saying, 'are you a man with a van?' Seems daft, but it was novel, to say the least. I still cherish those moments - like when I first picked up the van and went to a timber merchant with my friend Clare and felt like a total fraud and then the plumber's merchant when I laughed out loud whilst saying, 'yeah put it in my van!' like I was some kid with the best new toy in town.

I still love my van, just that it's work now. Hey, this whole experience really is like splitting up with the love of your life - it's gone full circle. When I lost my job and wallowed and all that - that was the splitting up bit. And now I've got my van, it's like getting a new girlfriend. I've had the enjoying it every minute of the day for a few weeks, but now it's just a work thing - always there, I just cherish it a little less. Just like a new girlfriend.

Some days I leave it parked in it's parking space and nip off to do things like going to the cinema in the middle of the day with another girl, like an affair. My God, is the rest of my life going to be an analogy for a girlfriend? I wonder if we can become better people if we treat our work like our girlfriends and vice versa? Am I going mad? Questions, questions...

I've had lots of ideas for my business this week. The main one is a crazy idea, but I think it might just work. I won't go into details because I don't want to jeopardise the outcome. This week will be a telling week; but again I don't want to go into details - all will become apparent.

So what else can I say? My website is almost ready to go live. I met Trevor today after football to thrash out the final details. Touch wood it'll be coming very very soon.

I'll have a link to this blog, naturally, but the new site will also have a sort of blog type diary thingy on it so this one may get even more neglected - wow I used to write everyday on this one, but do you know why? Because I had all this creative energy bursting to get out when i found myself without a job in an instant. I'm putitng all that energy into my new business now, that's all.

Which makes me feel like I've not got a lot to say anymore. I've still got loads on my mind, I always did - I just don't feel the need to spill my guts so much. And I find it difficult to unpick the thought processes in my head in order to write them down. Even now just writing about nothing I'm struggling with grammer and language and ideas - it's all a jumbled mess in my head and only makes sense to me!

I oculd tell you, for example, about a girl I met recently, but it would come out wrong, I know it would. Suffice to say, I met this girl recently and I like her. I think she likes me too. It might come to nothing, but who knows. Life's rich tapestry and all that.

Oh man I really am tired. I hate sleeping on sunday afternoons, but I might just have to, just for a while. Maybe I'll write more later...

JVx

What's to say? Today has been a day of mixed emotions. I woke up not feeling entirely on top of the world, and I'm ending it like not much is new. I'm not down in the dumps; just reaching a plataeu maybe. I'm thoroughly contented, but not on a high. Whatever was getting me down this morning didn't last because a swim at lunchtime lifted my spirits.

I tried for months to get gym membership for my colleagues and I in my last job, but no-one seemed at all that interested, which is a shame, because after a burst of exercise this lunchtime and a free exit from the car park, I felt on top of the world.

I heard other people's news and it wasn't so great. I listened to other people's aspirations and it wasn't so inspirational. I'm fairly well set in what I want to do and I'm achieving it - not massive unobtainable dreams, just little steps.

So why the big change? I don't really want to admit it, but it might have something to do with an ex. I've only been in love with 2 people my entire life. One is my best friend and that will never change. The other is someone else. And we still get on. But too much water has passed under the bridge and now things can never be picked up fom where they left off. And I'm the current advocate of following your dreams and saying what you really feel.

That pretty sums up what's happened to me since I lost my job; saying how I really feel. But even I'm guilty of falling prey to my doubts. Worrying about the reaction I might get and not allowing myself to be exposed to those reactions. I guess life isn't always a bed of roses.

I apologise now if anyone has drawn inspiration from my ramblings and now feels I'm a fraud. I'm not destitute. I've got my van, my plan, all that nonsense. I just haven't got the one or 2 people I'd really like to be a part of it all where I really want them. I've said before that money doesn't matter. It doesn't matter one iota if you haven't got someone to love and who loves you back.

I should have been a God. I know the things that matter in life. I think we all do, we just sometimes forget. I'm not saying anything else tonight. I'm going to bed.

JVx

I'm getting lazy at keeping this blog up to date, but there's a reason for that. The main reason is that I am just so busy at the moment. Not right this minute, but in general. I had planned to use the bulk of the last week to work from home on setting up my website, getting stuff done for the business and generally get my office up and running so I could concentrate on the real work. However, things didn't turn out quite as planned...

Let me take you briefly through my week. Monday morning I picked up a set designer and some of his gear and took them to a location house in Wandsworth before getting on my bike and heading to the office's of BMG where I was transferring some old vinyl to wav files. Later that day I had to drive up to Hackney to pick up an upholstered sofa for the shoot in Wandsworth.

On Tuesday morning I delivered the sofa (got stuck in rush hour traffic the night before) to Wandsworth then headed to BMG again for more transferring. I was back at the shoot on Tuesday evening to pick up a whole load of gear; some of it to be delivered to Clare's house in Clapham Junction and some it to a house in Twickenham. Btw - met a girl at the shoot called, Stella, but Clare won't give me any more details about her so I might just have to let that go. Lovely girl though.

When I got home on Tuesday night, about 8ish, I went straight round to my neighbours (with a bottle of champagne - they got engaged last week) to talk about their big move on Thursday, a gig I picked up by chance when I popped round to let them know about my new venture. That meeting sewed up a few loose ends and then I headed home - tired but utterly satisfied with my 2 days work so far.

Wednesday saw more of the same at BMG plus a quick house move for a friend of my sister in the afternoon. Gig on Wednesday night at Plan B in Brixton - can't remember the name of the band but the lead singer was amazing. Great voice, great stage presence.

Thursday was a biggie - Clare and Hugo's (my neighbours) big move from London to Birmingham, via Bournemouth to collect some boxes in storage. And it was a breeze. A real pleasure to help them out. We got the whole lot done by 5 and I was sat at the kitchen table at mum and dad's by 7.30pm. Cheers Doris for cooking dinner!

Drove back from Bowdon to London on Friday lunchtime and went out with Little Sam (younger brother) for a well earned beer at my local, The Landor.

What a week! I won't say how much I earned, but trust me, it was a good week's work! But as I write this, I have nothing in my diary for the coming week. That's not such a bad hting as there is still lots I have to do from home. I've never worked for myself before and all the work I've had this last week has fallen on my doorstep. Selling myself is something I think will come naturally. The amount of ways to make money though is staggering - really. The trouble for me is focussing on what it is I really want to do. I've not done anything yet that I would happily avoid in the future - not even the traumatic house move on Wednesday when Gavin hadn't even packed by the time I showed up. Packing someone else's belongings is easy - I have no emotional attachment you see.

But anyway, that's not why I decided to update today. A few weeks a go when I started this blog, I said that I had a vested interest in my old company, so it would have been unwise of me to divulge the reason why I was sacked. I no longer have any vested interests in the company so by rights I could freely say why I was sacked. But that was then - now I don't really care so much. What's happened to me since I was sacked has been life changing - a change for the better. I look back now and wonder just how I allowed myself to work for someone else for so long.

So instead of me saying what happened, I'll leave it to anyone who reads this to ask. Do you want to know why I was sacked?

Wow. I have just re-read this blog from the very first post. I really have been on a journey. Going back to the beginning of December 2005 and reliving all those feelings and dreams is a very therepeutic experience. Why don't ALL people keep journals? It's helped keep me in focus - helped me to talk (write) about how I feel and talk (write) about my aspirations - it's like a personal measuring tape for life.

I'd like to re-visit some of my earlier entries. December 5th 2005 for example (oh and btw - Doris - happy birthday! Sorry I missed you out on 4th December 2005 - had a few things on my mind!):

"You've got to have a purpose; a badge maybe. A badge with your name on it and why your work is important"

I didn't know back then what I was going to do, but how prophetic. Do you want to see my badge? Need to work out how to do this...

And how could I forget Moses?! I just loved re-reading my experience with good ol' Moses. And I said this on 12th December 2005:

"'Perhaps dere is someting else you want to do?' 'No - i need to get work experience as a delivery driver as at some point in the future I want to set up my own company doing light removals and deliveries in and around London."

Guess what folks? That's exactly what I'm doing now and wish I'd been doing for years. The pay's good, there's no stress at all, I get to meet loads of interesting people and above all, I'm helping people. And that makes me happy. But let's go on...

Remember this from 4th December 2005?

"We got home and I got a call - a call inviting me to The Trinity. Well I had to go. So I did. And there I met a famous rock group who one day you will all know. But I'll let them introduce themwelves over the coming weeks. Their name is Orson - and you heard it here first - the next big thing."

Heard of 'em yet? They just finished a tour supporting Duran Duran andhave a few more gigs lined up before their single, 'No Tomorrow', is released some time in Feb. Their single was Jo Wiley's pet sound all this week on Radio 1 and I'VE met them! One day they'll say 'WE'VE met Jonny Vantastic!' Ooh, that's my first mention of Jonny Vantastic, my new business. What do you think of the logo?

Argh, I wish I had more time to write today. I picked up my flatmate from Gatwick this lunchtime - she broke her wrist snow boarding - and just dropped her off at A&E, but I have to go have a shower and get changed as I'm taking my ex up west tonight to see The Producers. It's her birthday present. Tomorrow's a hectic day, but i'll find the time somewhere to look back at some of your kind comments. Might just add this one today though before I go:

"Seems to me you must have done something very bad indeed to get sacked so suddenly and just before Christmas.

Was it gross misconduct?

Still you can always get another job."

That was from a post backdated to the day I was sacked from 'very tall fella' who didn't have a link to a blog or an email address. Who are you 'very tall fella'? I wonder now if you're my old boss?!

See you all tomorrow

Johnx

Today's update is dedicated to Lyndlj.

Yes I intend to keep writing. My journey started with this blog and the encouragement I've had from friends and strangers (friends I've just not met yet) has helped get me where I am today.

Today was a day of revelations. This morning I agred to help an ex girlfriend fix a bike safety thingy to the paving slabs in her front garden. I hope she doesn't read this - but between you and me it was Frank Spencer par excellence. It was one of those steel bars which you can lock a bike to. The premise is simple - drill 8 holes in the slab and put hte bar in place over 8 self tapping bolts and screw tight. 7 out of the 8 holes were in the correct place, however, I used a hammer to whack them in and found out later that by doing this I would knacker the thread and not be able to screw the bolts on.

Least of my problems. Once the bolts were in I couldn't get any grip on them so the nuts were just going round and round. And this was just at one end. When I finally got enough grip on 4 of them, I tested the grip by pulling up the bar - which in turn pulled up the paving slab. Oops.

Having totally knackered the thread on the opposing 4 I decided to use cement to weigh down the steel bar. I'm not that familiar with cement. Apparently you need to mix it with sand as well as water, but I didn't have any sand so the mixture was just cement and water; mixed with a teaspoon and applied with a butter knife. I tested the solidity of this a few moments after application and found the whole lot - metal bar, cement and paving slab - come away freely and easily. A monumental fuck up you mihgt say.

It was made even more catastrophic when i realised hours afterwards that the 4 bolts I had screwed in semi-firmly were largely redundant as any cunning thief wanting to steal the bicycle attached would only have to unscrew the nuts and he'd have his quarry.

The lesson I learnt is this - I don't have natural DIY skills and I should stick to what I know best. MOst of the time. Another friend has offered me some freelance work next week transferring some vinly ot MP3 - £12 an hour for about 30 hours. I could do this with my hands tied behind my back and it's easy money, but if today is anything ot go by, I'm simply not going to have the time.

For today, on my return home from the fiasco in Wimbledon, Clare called me and asked if I oould do a job my reaction was, 'actually I've just finished one job and I'm off to another', which was a complete lie as I had just finished one job but was off to the pub. It took a few seconds, but I eventually worked out that this wasn't a friend sympathising with my financial position and offering me an olive branch, but a friend in a very useful position putting some business my way. And so I took it - picking up a very expensive foot stool from a very posh shop on the king's road, storing it in my depot (flat) and then delivering it to a house in crouch end tomorrow for a photo shoot.

Oh yeah, I thought, this is what I do now! And with that came the sudden realisation that I am now firmly in business - and I like it! I get to do the things that make me happy AND I get paid - I get to drive a white van, work outdoors, meet people AND get paid.

Random aside - my friend Gemma's brother did a report on Radio 1's newsbeat today about advance driving lessons for white van men - I intend to take up this government initiative to help bring my insurance down a bit - am hoping he'll do a follow up story with me, Jo...have we done my compnay name yet? I don't think we have, have we?

Must get on to Trevor about my logo - then I can stick my link up here...

Happy Birthday Charlotte! (my flatmate). She's away snow boarding at the mo so I'm turning the flat upside down - have radically overhauled my desk and got rid of the massive fancy dress television prop that took up half of it and cleared out all the drawers so that I have a proper office environment.

It's just gone midday and I have just returned from the job club. Remember the woman who told me that it's only women that can sell themselves that are likely to get jobs these days? Well she's obviously a 12 a 'clocker, or maybe an 11.45er. I'm an 11.30er - anyway, she signs on after me and we met again today to put the world to rights. You get a ticket like at the deli in supermarkets which, she tells me, is akin to slavery, irrespective of skin colour, 'white, black, indian - dem makin' us all slaves, like zombies.' Fair enough I thought, but then came this: 'it's de toothpaste!'

What? 'Dem putting all deeze chemicals in toothpaste and we walkin' round like zombies, slaves y'see?'

'Erm, yes. Exactly that.' She suggested I use lemon to brush my teeth if I didn't want to be part of the zombie state.

Next week I will ask her what her name is. I don't like seeing familiar faces without knowing their names - a bit like what's beginning to happen at my local Sainsbury's, but at least they wear badges - I'm going to come on to that in a bit.

Still at the job club, I sat next to Eugene while I waited to sign on (again - they didn't bother asking if I was seeking employment - just sign this, get your money and go). Eugene must have been about 18 or 19 years old. He was clad in all designer labels (leisure wear) and bling. He strolled in clutching car keys, car stereo and 2 mobile phones. And he's unemployed. At least I had the decency to silence both my phones, leave my stereo in the glove compartment and park around the corner. I'm beginning to enjoy my fortnightly excursions to the job club.

But let's go back to first thing this morning. I woke up at about 9 and tidied the flat a little. I chucked out the rubbish and headed off to do the weekly shop at Sainsbury's. I have to walk past a derelict house to get to my van and yesterday there were some workmen there beginning a clear up operation as a property developer has bought it from the council. I had a little chat with them yesterday so this morning they all nodded and said, 'morning'. I replied, 'morning' and got in my van. Why am I telling you this? Because anno-van, I don't think they would have even noticed me. There's a fraternity once you're a van man and i have to say, I like it. Van drivers are like cabbies - out on the road they let you in or turn right on busy roads - lots of flashing lights and waves and nods - if you want to know how to avoid congestion in London, get a van.

So, Sainsbury's. Saino's on a Tuesday morning is THE time to shop. Hardly a soul there and all the shelves fully stocked. It is so pleasant shopping like this. And it got me thinking. You often hear people saying that London is such a crowded and busy place. Well it is - if you work 9-5 and only travel in rush hour and only do your grocery shopping between finishing work and going out, like the millions of other people all doing the same. Do it at 10 in the morning and you'll see a whole new London. I drove back from my second favourite Sainsbury's*, in Wandsworth, and didn't slow down once, apart from at the lights. I used to enjoy having random days off work and just wandering about locally (not like a mentalist of which there are loads near where I live) - but just seeing how people go about their business; people who aren't stuck in an office all day.

This was one of the things I addressed shortly after I was sacked, 'what do I reeally want to do?' One answer was to drive a van and another was be out of an office and in amongst the daily lives of my local community. That's not job specific you see, but it does go a long way to describing what I do now. And it's utterly satisfying.

Anyway, these were just a few thoughts in my head today. I have to get on and do some work now. I got a parking ticket yesterday whilst I was waiting in Lambeth Parking Shop to get a parking permit and I don't think that's fair so I need to write a letter appealing against it. Even the traffic warden seemed to sympathise when I lost my place in the queue to come and tell him I was queuing to get a parking permit - how lousy is that? Getting a ticket while you're waiting to get a ticket which permits you to park?! That was my most stressful moment in a long while but I quickly got over it. Other than that episode, life is pretty sweet at the mo.

And so I suppose I should add as well that Tom (his brother) and Polly (his brother's wife) had a baby boy on Saturday. Joseph (Joe) William Patrick Barton. Well done all involved! Can I put his photo in my gallery for all to see?

(* 2nd favourite Saino's. First is the Saino's in Fulham just north of Wandsworth Bridge, but I can't return there until I have a Ducatti 999 - long story).

Just got back from Saino's with my shopping:

Bog Roll (2 extra free)
Bottle of vino (red - half price)
Kingsmill Square bread
Orange Juice (with bits in)
Saino's own brand crisps
Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream (chocolate fudge brownie)

Why? Partly because I'm hungry and my brother-in-law is taking me out to dinner later and partly because I felt the need to celebrate. I know Champagne is traditional in these circumstances, but truth is, I don't really like Champagne.

And why am I celebrating? Because for a few weeks now I've been mulling over what date did my new company come into being. Was it 16th December driving along the M62 when the name popped into my head? Was it before then when I had a rough idea of what I wanted to do? Was it the first time I felt any real conviction in what I answered when people asked what I planned to do with myself? Was it when I slapped down a £500 deposit on a van? Was it when I signed a new mobile phone contract for my business line? Was it 30th December when I first asked someone to secure the domain name and commit myself to my first real business outgoing of £20 + VAT (that was a pretty crucial moment). Was it when I walked into the bank I opened my very first savings account in Hale some 18 years ago and opened a business account - ah, Steve - remember turning me down for that £100 overdraft in '93? Well it's MR. Barton from now on, right?!

Answer? None of the above. It was 5.09pm today, 19th January 2006, when I got my first look at my new logo (even though I'm going to tweak it slightly). Being the boss, of course, I reserve the right to change my mind. I might get even more excited when I get, say, my first embroidered shirt, or when I've got my name splashed across the side of my new van, or when I bank my first cheque (yeah, Steve - when I pay money into the bank for the first time in 18 years!)...who knows? Whatever - I'm the boss so I'll decide. But I'm celebrating now nonetheless. Admittedly on my own in a somewhat sad way - crisps, wine, fags, typing an online journal - it'll be different next year, I promise (myself).

Q. How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?

A. LET'S RIDE BIKES!!!

THAT is exactly how i feel right at this moment and have done since 5.09pm today when Trevor sent me the first proof of my new logo - it's happening. It's really happening - my new business is not days, but hours away from coming into being. I'm picking up the van tomorrow and as soon as the logo is OK'd, it'll be all systems go.

I feel like i just won a massive outside bet; like why? Why did it happen? Well I can bring my own self down to earth and answer that one now - because I believe in it and myself. This venture isn't going to make me a millionaire, but do you know what? It's not about the money - when people say winning the lottery doesn't make them happy (and we all say it'd make me happy), I know what they mean. Find an activity or a job which makes you happy and no amount of money in the world will beat that feeling. Trust me, I'm skint. And yet I feel on top of the world right now.

If I was in love with someone, I'd ask them to marry me, right here, right now. Only that's not going to happen because I don't have a girlfriend and I'm at home alone with no-one to share this mini launch party I'm having in my head.

ARGH!!!!! I feel like running around with a loud hailer yelling the name of my new company and saying just how god damn happy I am at this point in time - properly like an ADHD kid!

Unfortunately my stereo is still round at my ex's place so I can't listen to Coldplay's 'Fix You' or Orson's 'Tryin to help' at full blast whilst running around the flat with my air guitar - damn my lending it to her! My ipod just doesn't cut it, plus Charlotte could walk in at any time and if she sees me throwing shapes with my imaginary 6 string in utter silence, she might think I've turned into a mentalist. Should I take the risk? I might have to - I've got so much energy bursting to get out - it's only taken me 4 and a half seconds to write this update here so far!

LET'S.RIDE.BIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!